melody of pain
i forced myself to listen
to the meldoy
of his agony
i terrorized myself
i faced each boys
broken heart
but th truth is
is one more worthy of my love than the other?
which one is going to use me?
i found myself two broken boys
and mended them again
but i have only one way to go
i must break one againi have no choice
but every time i think of the other ones pain
i flinch
and change my mind
alex. my guilty pleasure.
Alex
My love
My lost
My passion
My everything
My first
My dork
Just thinking about him
Makes me want to stop breathing
Stop eating
Stop drinking
I don’t want to move
How we walked together
Through the rain
I was so close to him
And him to me
But I was waiting for Austin
Like the shallow little shit I am
He fell in fucking love with me
And how did I repay him?
I told him I was leaving US
For HIM
He cried
And begged
For a long, long time
And finally
He said it
FUCK YOU
And left me crying with dance floor anthem playing through my brain
I made my choice
I hurt him so bad he will never come back
Did I really think he would wait?
How dumb am i?
Would I wait for me?
Hell no.
So why should he?
I’m not all that
I told him he deserved better
He told me his pain til I could feel the blood dripping from my ears Furious
He was furious with me
But he knew so much
About me
The only one
I told the truth
The only one I trusted
Did I think he was a diary?
To put up on a shelf?
Before you ask
I didn’t take him for grant it
I savored every fucking moment I was near him
The touch of his skin
The smell of his shirt
The feel of his hair
I’ll never
Ever
Regret those moments
But I will regret the moment he held me
And I told him no
Like a cold hearted bitch
Forgiveness?
I only dream of it
Literally
Every night
I say his name
Like a ghost on my lips
Then I close my eyes
And he’s there
Pretending…
Is what’s keeping me breathing I think
New day
New pain
Fresh
Everyday
I think it’ll fade
Maybe slightly
But it’s a hope
That’s useless
I sing and sob sorry by buck cherry
To myself every night before bed
Have I mentioned how pathetic I am?
His exact words
Copied and pasted
I took a wild guess
And decided it was about me
• Stop beating yourself up it depressing. Its the past it already happened nothing u can do abt it. And idc anymore. He doesn’t.
Care.
Any.
More.
Each word is like a fucking stab in my gut
Nothing
I
Can
Do
About
It
NOTHING
You do know what that means?
It means I’m fucking helpless
I would cry
But I’m still too fucking stubborn
That hurts even more
I want to cry
I really do
Just to see the pain dripping
Would prove to me I’m alive
Boyfriend asks what’s wrong
For the millionth time
I tell him I’m fine
For the millionth time
He’s getting tired of asking
I’m getting tired of lying
Pretty soon I’ll make us fall to pieces with my ways
As if we ever started
When I’ve got his name tattooed on my heart
How can I love another?
This will drive me insane
Too bad I can’t go any further off the edge
I’m already falling
The fresh cuts
Leaving stains on my new shirt
Prove that
But I could care
Less
At least I can bleed
I deserve it
Who was I? To think I could keep him?
So were all those things you said just my imagination?
I wouldn’t be surprised
I hope you read this one day
And know how close I am to dying
The doctors say it won’t be long
I wish you knew
How much you meant to me
How much I relied on you to be there
And I’m not trying to make you feel guilty
I would never even dream of it
Because this is my fault
My entire fault…
